As the universe is wide and deep with subject matter, I usually do not take on political topics. Finding something entertaining to say about politics isn’t all that hard but I would rather tease the amusement out of subjects like avocados or donuts than go after the low-hanging and often rotten fruit of politics. Writing something farcical about kumquats is more challenging. Actually, apples are more challenging. You can always find something funny about kumquats.

I announced my candidacy for president months ago when everyone else was jumping into the pool and I was eager not to be labeled the rotten egg. Since then, my campaign has failed to sustain its momentum especially with the all-important non-evangelical, left-of-female, fruit-only demographic. Fund-raising has been moribund but, worse, not qualifying for the debates has left me speechless.

The time has come for me to step back from the race and throw all my support behind Senator Bernie Sanders whom I feel will “Make America a More Comfortable Place to Live for a Change.”

While you are rolling your eyes to the point where you may never again see straight, allow me to expound on the Vermont gentleman’s qualities. Sure, I can go on about his plans and programs but you can get that information off the internet. Let’s instead discuss the more obtuse qualities generally overlooked by the mainstream media, which seems to be obsessed with reporting the news.

First, it’s his hair. Obviously, the guy doesn’t have time for hair and makeup before most of his public appearances. This is a very good sign. I am so done with the overly coiffured presidential pate. Wild hair shows he’s busy tackling tough problems. Einstein tackled tough problems. Beethoven had no time for the hair salon.

With hair akimbo but not over-the-top, like the doggerel style of Boris Johnson, Sanders continues a lifetime campaign to make our life better. He’s not an opportunist looking to gain wealth, power and certainly not good looks.

Second, he seems cranky and even angry from time to time. I like that because I’m often angry — especially when reading the news. Sanders has been angry for decades because of how difficult life is for a lot of people. He knows we can do better. Somehow, he got the idea — maybe from looking at other civilized countries — that governments are supposed to help citizens lead happy, healthy and productive lives. Sure, some governments are formed or evolve to oppress and exploit certain groups, but it doesn’t have to be that way here.

It sounds crazy but maybe a government that looks after the well-being of all the people, making sure that they get an education, stay healthy and have good paying and productive jobs isn’t going too far into lunatic-land. It could work if we were a rich and powerful nation.

Third, Sanders, nut that he is, is financing his campaign solely through small donations from regular people. What kind of craziness is it not to take handouts from large corporate interests who want to influence the way you run the country?

If the only people helping him get elected are not the rich and powerful, that would mean his administration would be beholden to, let me see … regular people. If the Buggy Whip National Conglomerate didn’t fund his election, he’ll have no reason to use executive orders to bring back the horse and buggy.

True, I and millions of other people gave $10 to his campaign and we all got a thank-you e-mail but he won’t have to listen to my pitch in the Oval Office. I may not even get an invite to the White House but neither will the big-money buggy-whip people. Everybody will be unhappy with this, and that will make us equal.

Finally, there is the little bird incident. A small bird alit on his podium as Sanders spoke to a crowd in Portland, Oregon. As the audience went wild, the bird lingered for a few sentences before flying off. Of course, it’s stupid to assign any significance to that and I will dismiss it as soon as birds start landing on other candidates’ podiums.

I’m giving him a shot because he has the longest history of always putting the needs of the people, all the people, first. Also, I’ll wager he won’t be chasing White House interns around — or playing golf. He doesn’t own any resorts.

Okay, I’ve stuck my neck out into the political slipstream. It seems to be an ill wind filled with the stench of whatever it was that lately hit the fan. I fully expect some rotten kumquats hurled my way. Go ahead. I like kumquats.