INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY IS OCTOBER 22ND! I DON’T SUPPOSE I HAVE TO USE AN EXCLAMATION POINT BEHIND THAT SENTENCE OR ANY SENTENCE WRITTEN IN ALL-CAPS AS ALL-CAPS ALREADY SCREAM THE MESSAGE!!

IT SEEMS MORE APPROPRIATE TO USE TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS, OR EVEN THREE!!! SINCE FOLKS THAT WRITE IN ALL-CAPS DON’T DO ANYTHING IN A LOWER-CASE WAY, THEY HAVE DESIGNATED TWO FULL DAYS OF THE YEAR TO CELEBRATE ALL-CAPS, THE OTHER DAY BEING JUNE 28TH!!!!

OH, I JUST CAN’T BEAR TO DO THIS any longer. All-caps give me a headache.

And speaking of headaches, thank you for all your get-well wishes after word got out that I had to get patched up in the emergency room after a particularly nasty fall on the job site. It’s almost amusing how words get turned around but I was not struck on the head with a bottle in a bar fight. You can see how the story might have been misheard, as job site rhymes with bar fight and a nasty fall often involves a bottle — and sometimes more.

Just to set the record straight, I was coming down the last step of a stepladder onto a deck…. What’s that? Yes, there was a ladder involved BUT I DID NOT FALL OFF A LADDER!! I had to make that very clear to the triage nurse at the ER because as soon as you say “ladder” they are already giggling and entering it into a national data base of accidents. Something like 106% of injuries at home are from people falling off ladders and my accident does not belong in that category. Ladder accidents happen because people set them up improperly, use them incorrectly or are, you know, just plain stupid. I DID NOT FALL OFF A LADDER.

My last step from the ladder was onto a deck but I planted my foot on the edge of the deck and it slipped off when I transferred my weight causing me to go — now what is the technical term … oh yes, ass-over-teakettle. I fell backwards, clutching the ladder in the hope that it would somehow transform itself into some kind of a fall-protection device and save me.

Woefully, the ladder remained a ladder and in the eternity of a split second, I fell until coming to rest with my feet on the stairs, my head on the ground and the ladder on top, which was saved from damage by the cushioning effect of falling onto my body. I was not so fortunate as the ladder. Most of my momentum was dissipated when my head hit the gravel I had carefully placed around the deck.

There was pain (8 on the 1-to-10 scale), and blood; lots of blood as head wounds tend to bleed generously even when they are superficial. Ralf came running from across the street to rescue me. I thought he was wearing pajamas but I was dazed and just couldn’t get it together to ask him about his attire. My wife appeared with a towel for my head. She quickly consulted with Ralf and whisked me off to the hospital without even asking my opinion.

After the triage nurse got all the important information she said, “Well, let’s take a look at that gash.” Removing the towel so that she could have a look-see, I said okay. “Jesus God,” she shouted softly and promptly sent me to the waiting room.

Soon they called me in and one of the great nurse practitioners there cleaned me up and tested me every which way to make sure my brain wasn’t a jumbled disarray any more than usual. I suggested a couple butterfly closures be applied to the gash and I would be on my way but she insisted that staples in my head would be the right way to go.

Staples to the head. Right. Next week I will let you know how that went.

Right now, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME but they came and went so fast I did not retain their names. The only thing I recall is that they were all wearing pajamas and some of their name tags were in ALL-CAPS.

No really, I am fine. The headache has subsided for now but comes and goes with thoughts of INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY WHICH I SUFFER TO CELEBRATE RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE. ARE YOU FEELING THE PAIN TOO? WELL, THAT’S WHY WE DON’T TYPE IN ALL-CAPS.