I’m sorry, I just don’t get “doorbusters.” I must be pretty dense, or cheap, or un-American, but all that elbow-sharpening, hypothermia, and retail hysteria doesn’t look like fun to me. If you enjoy a good street fight, find yourself a nice authentic waterfront bar; don’t knock down some old lady in a Walmart. But here’s what really makes me feel all stuck-up and judgmental: all they ever show on the news, when they do those incessant reports on “Black Friday,” is people buying TVs. Big sets teeter, with their inherent instability, cornerwise in too-small shopping carts, or else people stagger, wobbling and weaving in their winter coats through the big-box doors, barely able to get their arms around the wide-screen in its carton, because televisions are only taken seriously these days when measured by the hectare. People standing in line in the cold at 3 a.m. are asked by the reporters what they’re hoping to purchase at some great discount and they reply, “a TV for my daughter” or “a TV for my mom” or just “a TV.”

For the remainder of the season I shall be all sweetness and light, ginger and spice, angels and reindeer and red flannel — and I’m not kidding — but allow me one teensy moment to indulge the inner Scrooge: Enough with the danged televisions already. You can tell what day it must be as I write: “Black Friday.” Bah, humbug.

There’s no shame in enjoying new stuff. Plenty of things make great gifts because you don’t have to worry about whether the intended recipient already has one. People love to get some things fresh and new even when their old ones are still serviceable. Consider the pleasure of brand-new crayons and markers and paints, fuzzy slippers, bayberry candles, power tools, or anything made of fleece or flannel. Now, the purist can make a fine case for “Use it up and wear it out, make it do or do without,” and I agree with that sentiment to a limited extent. But it is coming on Christmas, an American gift-giving occasion regardless of your particular philosophy, and those of us lucky enough to have an income are generally looking for things to give our family and friends whether they need anything or not. Electronics are pressed on us as that gift everybody really wants.

Electronic devices are built not just of black plastic and screen glass and magic, but of precious metals and elements called rare earths, some of which are only mined in a few places on the planet, places often rife with trouble. It’s a mistake, throwing out all those devices that aren’t actually broken. It’s a mistake not taking apart and reclaiming components from the ones that are broken, but that’s another issue and another column. I’m thinking of the cost, both in real money and in the loss of nearly irreplaceable resources, of all that hi-tech junk tossed on the scrap heap just because new is more fun. In the trash business we call that stuff “Universal Waste,” which is a bit creepy. I don’t mean to go overboard with my earnest anti-retail screed here, but it’s not right that this stuff is built to go obsolete, or to become quickly less desirable, and readily tossed so soon. You can say the same for the new fuzzy slippers if you like, but replacing those a bit sooner than necessary just doesn’t carry the same ethical and economic burden.

I also most heartily object to the way televisions aren’t made to be repaired anymore.

At the risk of descent into curmudgeon-hood, a no-fun, old-coot Luddite who walked to school uphill both ways, I just don’t get how TVs are special treats and the perfect gift. All this advertising to encourage us to believe that anything with a screen on it is particularly warm and fuzzy, well — it don’t seem so to me. There; now finish your liver and onions or it’s no rice pudding for you!

Electronics often make crappy gifts for face-to-face giving anyway, because as soon as the beloved recipient opens the box they are absorbed into the smartphone or the video game or the TV and they ignore the giver, not to mention the rest of the gang including grandma, Rex and the hamster. The coffee goes cold in the holiday mug, the egg nog gets warm in the glass, and the snow melts under the sled runners.

To be fair, there is nothing inherently objectionable about integrated circuits and resistors and diodes and wires. I was given a couple of DIY electronics kits to build last Christmas, and now I can listen to the Boston traffic report or the Toronto hockey games on my homemade AM radio anytime I want.

But bah, humbug on “Black Friday” and all those four-acre TV sets.