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Monday, April 24, 2017
Thursday, April 20, 2017 11:37 AM
Recently I had an appointment at the clinic because Brian, my favorite nurse practitioner, needed to practice his cutting and sewing skills ... on me. As an excuse, he found a few suspicious “areas of interest” on . . .
  • Have you considered going to a play in recent decades? Would you get strange looks suddenly saying to your spouse, “Dear, I think tomorrow night we should dress up, go to an early dinner and then take in a play”? Enhancing the silence . . .
  • Occasionally people write to me about late payments, subpoenas and cease-and-desist orders, you know, normal correspondence that everyone gets, but sometimes I am sent a letter regarding one of my columns. Some columns draw . . .
  • Have you received a notice on your computer that the version of Windows you have is no longer supported? I know I have. I’ve been getting that notice for years and I know it’s true since my bedroom windows remind me every winter . . .
  • I am aware that there are people who do not care for cheesecake. That’s okay. You are excused because we will be discussing the pleasures of cheesecake and there is no need for the non-appreciative to suffer . . .
  • For years now it has been suggested that we’ve entered the post-industrial “Age of Information.” Why is this called the Age of Information? It’s because you can Google the answer if you don’t know why. When you do, you’ll see that . . .
  • My wife has a smartphone with more computing and communications power than NASA had on all the manned moon-shots combined. It can instruct you how to get to your destination in cities the phone has never before visited . . .
  • Growing up among pines and hardwoods, I naturally developed a fascination for coconuts. I read Euell Gibbons’ “The Beachcomber’s Handbook,” which offered multiple uses for coconuts and prompted me in the 1970s to . . .
  • With a frozen Mai Tai in hand while sitting in the warm sun and cool breeze of the Hawaiian Islands on a tropical winter vacation, I find myself in an ideal position to look around and list what’s wrong with Hawaii. Why not? . . .
  • There was a time when getting on an airliner was not only glamorous, but fun. Flying involved hot meals served at regular intervals, lots of beverages, offers of pillows and blankets and quite often, empty seats right next to your own. . . .
  • After long observing people going on vacation, I have come to the conclusion that there are three parts to a complete, traditional vacation experience. First there is talking about it; next, and equally important, is actually going . . .
  • It’s the dead of winter: I’ve been writing and thinking about the cold and about heat. This led me to the strange world where we falsely experience heat commonly caused by spicy food; mainly hot peppers. The sudden interest . . .
  • It’s almost mid-winter and feeling fairly cold, but, to compare, the lowest temperature recorded on earth was observed on July 21, 1983, by Soviet scientists at Vostok Station in Antarctica. They figured it was 128.6ºF below zero . . .
  • Being cold is such a big concern for humans that we have created the word “cold” with our languages to represent the concept. We all have a very clear idea of what is meant by cold. However, if you look into the science, you will find . . .
  • Although it’s very late, I would like to thank all of the friends, neighbors, complete strangers and felons who attended our end-of-the-year gala for all the joy they brought to our household. Since the list of invitees was lost to the fire . . .
  • Frozen pipes? Don’t even get me started on frozen pipes. Remember, I am a member of the Raw Sewage in Your Face Club: a small fraternity of hard-core plumbing problem solvers — and that includes all manner of frozen-pipe problems. . . .
  • There have been times when I’ve been called a Christmas humbugger but that is not entirely accurate. I rarely tire of the holiday hubbub before December 1st and I’ve even been known to wish people a Merry Christmas after . . .
  • Instead of doing real, productive work, I often find myself pondering half-baked philosophical questions that if answered would certainly propel us no further toward our ultimate destiny — unless our destiny is to ponder goofy . . .
  • Whenever I’m in line to pay my property taxes, people ask why I moved my family to Maine from Alaska. The usual answer is that when we escaped, this is where we ran out of road, gas and money. There are better places to run . . .
  • Let’s talk about our personal financial situation. Oh wait, we’re Americans: we can talk all day about money but we never speak of our personal finances. It is mildly forbidden. When we meet someone at a party it’s rude . . .
  • Drinks in hand at our table, we sat at a moderately fast food restaurant waiting for our order. We had already noted that there were crushed French fries on the floor, lightbulbs burned out in the dining area and ketchup splatter on the ...
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